Congratulations on the purchase of your first boat! You’re not just embarking on a new hobby, but also an entirely new lifestyle — that is, if you do it right. But before you can enjoy this fantastic sport, there are a few things you need to know.
First, let’s talk about safety. There are a couple of major differences between your car and your boat. Namely, this thing doesn’t have brakes, so you can’t perform one of those reflexive panic-stops that you do so well when you pop over a hill and see traffic gridlocked while you’re in the process of dialing your cell phone, turning down the stereo, and yelling at the kids to pipe down for a minute. If you try that maneuver with a boat, you’ll likely find that your 23-footer has suddenly been transformed into a sub-20-footer … the hard way.

Those orange floatation-thingies that came with your boat are wonderful items to have on board. You’ll soon discover that the local marine law enforcement folks have an obsessive fixation with counting them, so always have more of them than the number of people on board. Good luck getting your guests to actually wear them on hot summer days, though, unless your boat is named the Titanic and you’ve just struck an iceberg. Break down and invest in some of the more-comfortable PFDs available, such as the fanny-pack models or those comfortable vests you wear uninflated.

Just because your boat can do 70.3 mph — according to that Boating World test you read — doesn’t mean you have to go that speed all the time; even Jeff Gordon goes for a leisurely Sunday drive every once in a while. That long lever off to your right isn’t an on/off switch: It’s actually adjustable, allowing you to go slower than wide-open throttle for events such as entering a marina. Slowing down is also a good thing when you’re passing fishermen in a jon boat that has the same freeboard as Rosie O’Donnell’s bathtub. And if you’re going to slow down, don’t just drop down to 2000 rpm — unless you’re trying to give them a wake they can surf on.

Socializing on your boat is one of the most fun activities you can do, but common sense is needed to avoid problems. First off, the captain has to remain sharp, so you want to keep your blood-alcohol level at about the same level as an on-duty airline pilot who moonlights as an on-call surgeon. You’re also responsible for your passengers, so when compiling a guest list, you might want to omit those friends who like to “kiss the carpet” and “drive the porcelain steering wheel” at parties. They’re just a little too high maintenance for carefree boating.

Once you’ve bought a boat, something else you’ll discover is that you suddenly have many more friends than you ever imagined. Even that neighbor across the street who barely acknowledges you when you get your morning newspaper will suddenly sidle up to you and be all chummy as you back your new boat into the driveway: “Boy, I love your fishing boat. I’ve always dreamed of going fishing someday.” Keep dreaming, pal.

Make it easy to go boating. Spend the extra money to keep your boat at a marina that can plop your boat in the water at a moment’s notice, or better yet, keep it in the water if possible. You’l l be amazed at how easily you can put off almost any important task in order to scratch that boating itch when the sun is shining. If you make it a complicated task to head to the lake, your chances of going boating will be less likely than getting the ladder out and cleaning those leaves out of the gutter like you’ve been meaning to do.

To summarize: Be safe, have fun, wear sunscreen, and don’t worry about that chore list. It’s not going anywhere.